exchange of heart to understand how i feel

Mr.C and I had argue last night..and now he's mad me and i think he broked up with me (i guess)..
It was hurt ..(but hurt? its always there)..(when you love someone then expect the pain)
I just want to see his face always..but we only get a chance to see each other on cam every after 2 weeks of my shift.. (anyway we can make a change to this if he only want but its tooo late now)..

Im always expecting something from him....but i always got "zero"(or maybe atleast 30% only) result...i just want the signs of  LOVE..my fault also..but i guess this is the END of it..

thank you guys for reading my blog..i have more than 300 readers now :)

regards luiese

Black and white snake :(

i had a dream last night..its about black snake, me and my mahal ko (MR.C) ..I was looking for him Everywhere…

Looking for him all over the place (and he do too)..

We were just talking and he’s holding his CAM and taking pictures everywhere..and im just walking around looking for something..but I was shocked and scared when I saw a “BIG BLACK SNAKE” ..then I try to run and look for him to aware him about that snake (might hurt him or me)..but everywhere That snake is always on my way to HIM..I looked for him everywhere but what i always FOUND is a " BIG BLACK SNAKE"!!(again and again) i was afraid.    

.then i woke up! and realized it was only a dream..but the feeling of being afraid was still there..

I try to sleep again cuz its still early..but then when I fall a sleep??. theres  that BLACK snake again.. And my body was cold coz im sooo  scared of it…  

Then again I woke up..and again it was ONLY a DREAM!! Then I sleep again..and look for him again and again but I found that black snake AGAIN (that snake wont go away!!its always on my way) :( im scared (hell SCARED) :( but it ddnt bite at all..i don’t  know why..The snake just crawling and It ddnt looking at me either but it like It showing me something..(what was that dream all about?)  i dream of it 3 times in just 1 night only!!

Sad conversation with Mr.C

stupid night! i controlled myself not to talk or chat with any guy cuz of him..( i made a promise and dont wanna break it)

but Im not sure about my "meaning" for him.. (who am I to HIM

I mean what is his plan for me?. i dont see any future..

I DONT KNOW what I am to him!.but i KNOW what HE is for me! (and thats what hurts)

AND i dont know if this relationship will lead to something..
(i dont see anything) its less effort you know..

There is something wrong with him...(i can feel it)but i dont know what and where)

i need someone to tell me what is this thing all about..
and what am i suppose to DO?

im hurting inside :(

as the church say "jealousy" is a big SIN..

but i cant help it..

I felt jealous whenever i think that Mr.C is chatting with other girls at SKYPE.. (cuz GOD KNOWS that Mr.C is the only Guy for me, the only guy whom i talk nor chat online..i SWEAR to GOD)

I think its unfair that he has accompany other girl as I DONT DO!!! (anyway should i do the same??)..why? cuz i asked him before if he has ID on skype,but he said he dont have skype.and that he need to download this chat site..

But when we were at hotel?i caught him chatting with other girl on skype,I was actually hurt (really hurt!that im crying in our room while his still chatting with that FUCKING girl!!shit!!its driving me crazy cuz im not enough for him)..

I stared at that girl on his skype..i think he ddnt expect me to do that..but when he was in our room he refuse everything ....like he said "she is my X-wife"..but that girl dont look like his X-wife.

My eye sight was still clear you know!.until now that thing is still on my mind..Im trying to ignore it! trying to forget it cuz i want to give our relationship a chance..And that i want to trust Mr.C (but i dont want lie).i hate lies!.

But as Earth continues on revolving??..boys are still boys..they are born to make some LIES and CHEAT with us girls!..(which is unfair!!right?..)

How can i tell him that "his hurting me by the way his continuing on chatting with other girl?.

Im always praying every night and Hoping that God will grant my wish on him.. (Amen)

but if he continue on doing this thing to me?..then I better move on and find someone else again.!

cuz its not worth it on loving someone who doesn't treat you the way you want to.

As million people say "when you met that someone trough dating site?..expect that youre not the only one for them! (i hate this fucking sayings")

cloudy day

such a boring day again.. If only Mr.C were here then i would probably not gonna be soo bored right now :(
I dont need anything..he's the only one i need to make my day happy and complete :)

We can just seat in one place and stare at each other..that thing is enough for me...as long as im WITH HIM..

BUt all of this is now impossible to do...cuz he is far away from me.. I wish he's just near..
I would probably sneak to his house with out him knowing   :D

prayer for him

i was praying last night (for Mr.C) ..wishing him to be safe while on travel going back to their country.

luckily after 10 minutes Mr.C send me SMS (telling me that he's back in his country)..hmm God is Good..

he send my Mr.C home safe..(another answered prayer for airah)..thank you hEavenly Father :*

Im happy to received his SMS (knowing that he's fine makes me happy)..i was actually lying in my bed and thinking of him while praying for  him..

I fell asleep while thinking of him thou (ehhehe).. baby ko....baby ko..if you only knew what i really felt about you.. :)


hopsala!!

he love me?

Mr.C is on his way to his country..I feel bad/sad because he's more far from me now..

I regret that let him alone on his last day/night here in my country.I feel so bad and im guilty..

But i need my work too.

I called him 3 times before he left cuz i want to hear his voice for the last time here in my country
(the call cost cheap cuz he's near)..

My heart is secretly crying..I want to hug him and kiss him for the last time cuz i know it will take long...long waiting to be with him again..

ANd you know what makes me more sad?..when he said that he "L♥VE ME"........(huhuhu crying)

why??.cuz i always wanted him to tell me that.. (it feels soo good you know)..

And then i told him to tell it to me personally ..that.... he LOVE ME...(I still can wait you know)..

Im stick to one guy as long as i know that they are trust worthy..

To you Mr.C i think im falling inlove with you...(yes! with you)

you make me feel like crazy from head to toe..(aha)

you bring out the best in me..(damn!)

YOu rock my world!!
My heart is going to explode (BoOm! bOoM!!)

I want yoOou!!!!

I NEED YoOU...

OOoooooh baby baby IM crazy for you..

YOu make me feel HOooT! (ugh)

YOu make me feel special!!...yeah!! yeah!!

YOu make me live again in fantasy world (magical feeling)

in short? (over all?? ) YOU COMPLETE ME..you make me whole again 

thank you baby ko.. :)