Insensitive guy

We spent time together when he found…atlist this time we don’t need to hide..cos no one would care (only us)

walking on the rain,..talking about nonsense thing again..I told him my story but he never shared his story (his life in Afghanistan..) (but I ignore it..it does not matter anyway cos his with me and im satisfied with that)..

We spent time strolling around the city..(and anyway the rain is here with us again..)we watch movies and play bowling.. and you know guys what I really don’t like?..those girls around keep on stared at him..Damn!.

I sleep to his hotel for  5 (as in FIVE) nights..(and anyway nothing happened ok?)..He is nice not to do that diba?.I mean all boys want is “F_C_  from girls?.but he is not like them..Ok?.

But of all stories that I’ve heard from him?..i was offended when he tells me that ..there’s is a GIRL whom he met (living in the next city) and he use to like..but he got TURNED Off cos he saw that girl in the morning with another guy..I mean what about me?..what if he never saw that she’s with another guy?. would he stop looking for me?.

I still have this advice from my old friend that “IF YOU LIKE HER/HIM  THEN YOU WOULD NOT TELL THEM THAT YOU LIKED someone..( I mean were both living in one country diba?.)

Cos that would offend them even though they’ll never tell you (isn’t obvious?)

How insensitive diba?.

Anyway right now?..as in right now? April 01,2011?..we stopped texting each other for a month now?..

WE had this misunderstood thing happened..

And anyway?..its a small matter but its became this far..hmmp?.

I lost my cp 1 day after we had talk..me and my girls went to samal for refreshing  (it’s a girl night out)..I was excited cos I only got a chance to see them when they’re not busy..

We drink a little (of course I don’t drink much)..and keep on dancing all night..we keep on laughing and sharing experience at the call center before…

But when I see this guy whose been watching me the whole time while dancing?..i decided to stop dancing and pretend that I was sleepy..and I leave the girls out and stay inside and fell a sleep..

And at the morning we decided to leave the resort early..we stayed to our friends house and laughing again..and at lunch time I decided to go home cos of head ache..I was soo tired..And I realized that I haven’t touch my Cellphone the whole time..

Because of overwhelming, happiness cos im with my friends again I forgot wer I put my cp..(damn!)

I keep on thinking where It could possible be…

But after 2 weeks I guess?..my friends found it in there bed..(hmmP..damn)

I was happy to have my cp back..even though my cp is old model I still treasure that cos that cp has been with me for 4 years..(heehhehe)..

I Got 3 miscalled from 1 from my cousin 2 from my sister..and I got 12 messages from them..

BUT I DON’T GET ANY MISSCALL ATLIST ONE MESSAGE FROM “aAron”.. L

I was hurt cos of it..but I still pretend that im ok..i txted him first depite of ignoring me for 2 weeks..

But his not the same anymore..he is cold now..i was hurt..

He even accuse me of lying..having said that cos he said “I think you ddnt lost your cp..after what happened?.I mean what is he thinking?.i was hurt more cos he accuse me on lying to him..

I mean that is FUCK!! Im not a liar!!.

But then life must go on… I said Good bye to him..and thank him for everything.. (after all he never really like me nor love me.)

One sided way of love does not exist! And I should have known that..

What is this thing called?..  I think about all the good times.. i think back to all the perfect memories we made..

Is this the end of my dream?.is this what I get of praying for him and meeting him?. (I felt no regret)..i love him since the day I met him.. and I still DO..

But things are not wer they use to..I have to open my eyes widely and see who really HE IS AND NOT WHAT I WANT HIM TO BE..i was hurt that ive been longing for him for 2 years..we never made any promise that someday we’re gonna see each other again.. but who can tell that’s we ’re here now..

But in reality there’s no more “ME and HIM”.. L

but i still think about him… his face is everywhere. everything i look at somehow reminds me of him.The RED truck, a funny joke he told when i was with him … i remember ALL the details. i dont understand y i cant forget him? the spark is still there..(kainis)

should I count the stars again to be able to see that one falling star again?.i guess I need to make a wish…

Can somebody tell me...WHAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH ME?.

im worried it wont ever go away.

I always thought I was stronger than the emotions I was feeling and so fought them – trying to convince myself that I was ok… of course this tactic didn’t work very well

I love him..can someone tell me what do to?

does he really love me?or like me?

We spent time together when he found…atlist this time we don’t need to hide..cos no one would care (only us)

walking on the rain,..talking about nonsense thing again..I told him my story but he never shared his story (his life in Afghanistan..) (but I ignore it..it does not matter anyway cos his with me and im satisfied with that)..

We spent time strolling around the city..(and anyway the rain is here with us again..)we watch movies and play bowling.. and you know guys what I really don’t like?..those girls around keep on stared at him..Damn!.

I sleep to his hotel for  5 (as in FIVE) nights..(and anyway nothing happened ok?)..He is nice not to do that diba?.I mean all boys want is “F_C_  from girls?.but he is not like them..Ok?.

But of all stories that I’ve heard from him?..i was offended when he tells me that ..there’s is a GIRL whom he met (living in the next city) and he use to like..but he got TURNED Off cos he saw that girl in the morning with another guy..I mean what about me?..what if he never saw that she’s with another guy?. would he stop looking for me?.

I still have this advice from my old friend that “IF YOU LIKE HER/HIM  THEN YOU WOULD NOT TELL THEM THAT YOU LIKED someone..( I mean were both living in one country diba?.)

Cos that would offend them even though they’ll never tell you (isn’t obvious?)

How insensitive diba?.

unbelievable

I don’t know where to start with my new blog but I hope I did make sense..

And anyway “HE came back”.. and yeah he found me..It was kinda cute how he found me.( have to believe that he did find me in romantic way) but I do believe in confidence too. Its been 2 years and he came back here in the phil he asked my friend for my number or is there any way how to contact me again.. but she never give any info about me to him..(don’t now why.)..

Three nights before he found me?..i was watching the star that night and talking to them…and something catch my attention…and I was surprise when I realized that it was a “falling star”.. and as old saying?.. I made a wish.. (heavenly father I wish to see aaron again..please bless my wish.Amen)..

Its been 3 night now..but my wish is still “a  wish”.. I was thinking that night that wishing on a falling star is not true..i mean I don’t believe on such thing. (we all know that falling star is meteorite diba?..but I got nothing to loss if I try diba?.I was praying again that night and asked God bout “where is my wish?. “

But after I prayed?. There is a guy who’s bothering me while im praying..(ehehe)it was late when I found out that my wish was answered right on the night I saw that falling star…

Ive been ignoring him for 3 night?..ehehe..But I cant convince myself that its was him..He even called me on the phone..(I still have the doubt) I don’t know..maybe because it is soo unbelievable that he would find me…and of all site he found me on my blog page.?. Which embarrassed me cos there’s a lot of thing that is written on that page about him.. eheh… its to late anyway..he already read all my blog (blog about him.. *sigh* )

Who would have thought anyway?..

Memories of yesterday

I met this guy way back 2008.. Our first meeting was embarrassing for me..but for him its cute.. (yeah right *sigh*) ..We’ve met trough my friend foolishness..

After meeting we keep on txting each other and sometimes calling each other before bed time..But we can’t see each other often cos of the nature of his work..(he is an US ARMY and I am Pilipina living in the Philippines).

He will stay here in the Phil for 6 months.. We have this secret dating place that only the two of us know..But everytime we planned to have a date the rain is always there to stop us..or maybe the rain want to be the witness how we like/want to be with each other..(and the rain makes every date perfect and memorable..) 

We shared thought..i cooked siomai for him he ate that siomai and I was so happy to see him again.. ( I was only 24 years old that time hehehe)..

Out last date was February 2009 but we never had a chance to have a date on Valentines day cos os his work (he’s in other city that time)..we use to have another date when he arrived but we both don’t know that were not gonna see each other anymore..

He left me and went to other country( Afghanistan)..he said his boss asked him to..

I was crying the whole night (the whole time) when  he left me..I ddnt know what to do that time..All I know is that im gonna miss him ( yeah I will) It was soo painful but  the acceptance was there..It was really hurt but that his job..I asked him if his coming back (or plan to come back) but he said I don’t know…

Acceptance of the situation has been difficult,. I think about all the good times – every single detail, and I really hurt. L although we’ve spent only short time together and we only have 3 secret date..I DON’T KNOW THERE IS SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT HIM.. I  “FEEL” the magical feeling whenever im with him..I got hypnotize whenever I stared at his eyes..

He sent me message trough YAhoomess twice but after that I don’t get any..(I was thinking that I mean nothing to him that time)..the message he sent me only says *mhal ko?.? *

Days,weeks, month and year goes by … 

1year later i was still forcing myself to forget about him, i had fun with my friends, dated around (but not fucking around), it was great.

But when i was walking alone and the rain was there, or went home to sleep, he was still there in my thoughts. .and every time I think about him?..i keep on asking myself if he’s thinking of me too..(or at list  if ever I was cross his mind..) I realized that I was so vulnerable (am I really?)..

I always pray for him..and keep on wishing for his sake (safeness).. and anyway? he never asked me to pray for him..its just that I feel comfortable and satisfied whenever I whisper prayer for him..Felt like God is granting my wish and prayer..(I mean im not sure if all in my thoughts/instinct was real/true but in God?..

YES.! you can be sure)..

In God I trust ..Amen..

miss him

i honestly miss him now..but i dont wanna do the first move..anyway as if i can do anything.. i lost my cp again right?..

what is this thing called?..

its been 2 years or more than 2 years now since aAron left and go to Afghanistan coz of his work  .. But this last january 2011.??i was surprised. I heard that he came back..and if im not mistaken he's been here for a week now.. I dont know and im not sure if he still want to see me..

after he left me hanged?..He left with out saying good bye to me personally...i was crying the whole time since he left..ANd i still remember the last time we've talk on the phone..it was on February 17, 2009 at 7:48 pm..

He said that: i Ddnt expect this too "Mahal ko".. i was soo sad and upset that I have to leave..I have to leave with out saying good bye to you personally with out "HUG and Kiss from you for the last time mahal ko?.And If you only knew what i feel right now.. But im not the Boss and this is my Job..and so I have to follow the Order from my Boss..Im sorry Cassie ko"...... i was crying while talking to him on the phone..
and thats the last time we've talked"

After that night..I always pray for his safety knowing that Afghanistan has the biggest WAR here on earth. evrytime i heard a news that Us troop had ambush or kidnapped? I cant help my self on crying..Wishing and Hoping Million times that hope "He's NOT one of them".. he only sent me message 2 times on my yahoo messenger..He said before that he's going to send me message if they have an internet connection there knowing that they are in the dangerous part of afghanistan and the signal to connection there was busted!!

WHo can tell that his contract to afghanistan now is Over and that he's here in the Philippines now..(yes he's here) but i havent seen him..Knowing that he's here and that im sooo desperate to see him again..
My friend told me that "he's looking for me".. the sad thing bout that is....my friend dont have my Cellphone number at that time..in short he dont get anything to contact me or communicate with me again..nor my email..

My friend also told me that if she saw him again she will give my number to him..But Im not sure if she really gonna give my Number to Aaron..knowing that we have had an misunderstanding before..
Its been 3 week from now..but i still dont get any txt or call..

wondering if she's telling me the truth.. Heavenly Father Please hear/listen to my Prayer for Aaron..I wish and hope and PRAY PRAY PRAy and Pray to See and MEET him again..HE's the Only thing I kNOW and I want. GOD Father I LOVE Aaron..im praying with all my heart..
In Jesus name AMEN!!

GUys help me with my prayer..Thanks..