Sad conversation with Mr.C

stupid night! i controlled myself not to talk or chat with any guy cuz of him..( i made a promise and dont wanna break it)

but Im not sure about my "meaning" for him.. (who am I to HIM

I mean what is his plan for me?. i dont see any future..

I DONT KNOW what I am to him!.but i KNOW what HE is for me! (and thats what hurts)

AND i dont know if this relationship will lead to something..
(i dont see anything) its less effort you know..

There is something wrong with him...(i can feel it)but i dont know what and where)

i need someone to tell me what is this thing all about..
and what am i suppose to DO?

im hurting inside :(

as the church say "jealousy" is a big SIN..

but i cant help it..

I felt jealous whenever i think that Mr.C is chatting with other girls at SKYPE.. (cuz GOD KNOWS that Mr.C is the only Guy for me, the only guy whom i talk nor chat online..i SWEAR to GOD)

I think its unfair that he has accompany other girl as I DONT DO!!! (anyway should i do the same??)..why? cuz i asked him before if he has ID on skype,but he said he dont have skype.and that he need to download this chat site..

But when we were at hotel?i caught him chatting with other girl on skype,I was actually hurt (really hurt!that im crying in our room while his still chatting with that FUCKING girl!!shit!!its driving me crazy cuz im not enough for him)..

I stared at that girl on his skype..i think he ddnt expect me to do that..but when he was in our room he refuse everything ....like he said "she is my X-wife"..but that girl dont look like his X-wife.

My eye sight was still clear you know!.until now that thing is still on my mind..Im trying to ignore it! trying to forget it cuz i want to give our relationship a chance..And that i want to trust Mr.C (but i dont want lie).i hate lies!.

But as Earth continues on revolving??..boys are still boys..they are born to make some LIES and CHEAT with us girls!..(which is unfair!!right?..)

How can i tell him that "his hurting me by the way his continuing on chatting with other girl?.

Im always praying every night and Hoping that God will grant my wish on him.. (Amen)

but if he continue on doing this thing to me?..then I better move on and find someone else again.!

cuz its not worth it on loving someone who doesn't treat you the way you want to.

As million people say "when you met that someone trough dating site?..expect that youre not the only one for them! (i hate this fucking sayings")

cloudy day

such a boring day again.. If only Mr.C were here then i would probably not gonna be soo bored right now :(
I dont need anything..he's the only one i need to make my day happy and complete :)

We can just seat in one place and stare at each other..that thing is enough for me...as long as im WITH HIM..

BUt all of this is now impossible to do...cuz he is far away from me.. I wish he's just near..
I would probably sneak to his house with out him knowing   :D

prayer for him

i was praying last night (for Mr.C) ..wishing him to be safe while on travel going back to their country.

luckily after 10 minutes Mr.C send me SMS (telling me that he's back in his country)..hmm God is Good..

he send my Mr.C home safe..(another answered prayer for airah)..thank you hEavenly Father :*

Im happy to received his SMS (knowing that he's fine makes me happy)..i was actually lying in my bed and thinking of him while praying for  him..

I fell asleep while thinking of him thou (ehhehe).. baby ko....baby ko..if you only knew what i really felt about you.. :)


hopsala!!

he love me?

Mr.C is on his way to his country..I feel bad/sad because he's more far from me now..

I regret that let him alone on his last day/night here in my country.I feel so bad and im guilty..

But i need my work too.

I called him 3 times before he left cuz i want to hear his voice for the last time here in my country
(the call cost cheap cuz he's near)..

My heart is secretly crying..I want to hug him and kiss him for the last time cuz i know it will take long...long waiting to be with him again..

ANd you know what makes me more sad?..when he said that he "L♥VE ME"........(huhuhu crying)

why??.cuz i always wanted him to tell me that.. (it feels soo good you know)..

And then i told him to tell it to me personally ..that.... he LOVE ME...(I still can wait you know)..

Im stick to one guy as long as i know that they are trust worthy..

To you Mr.C i think im falling inlove with you...(yes! with you)

you make me feel like crazy from head to toe..(aha)

you bring out the best in me..(damn!)

YOu rock my world!!
My heart is going to explode (BoOm! bOoM!!)

I want yoOou!!!!

I NEED YoOU...

OOoooooh baby baby IM crazy for you..

YOu make me feel HOooT! (ugh)

YOu make me feel special!!...yeah!! yeah!!

YOu make me live again in fantasy world (magical feeling)

in short? (over all?? ) YOU COMPLETE ME..you make me whole again 

thank you baby ko.. :) 

Im happy

im happy that Mr.C has been soo nice to me this night..

At least we chat more than an hour which makes me happy :)

He send me photos which makes me more happy atleast i can see him wherever I am :)

I wish from God above and hope that Mr.C wont change cuz i love the way he is :) 

(God is powerful.. Amen)

Good night baby ko..

i dont understand this

Mr.C sent me message at 1:53pm and that is the last message that i received from him.
and now its 8:41 Pm and still he's not online and he's local number is out of reach (i dont know why)but his international number is ok..

Im worried cuz he's not replying on my TxT nor my call.. is he ignoring me?
that means i mean nothing to him?

I dont know what to think anymore...im confuse but it is really hurt to think that he's ignoring me despite of worrying to much..does he even know that im worrying right now?

that really hurt :( HURT! HURT! HURT!     
HURT! HURT! HURT!HURT! HURT! HURT!HURT! HURT! HURT!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSPxwX8TwEo

Baby ko

Doing The Things That Makes Me Like Crazy..

Filling The Toilet Mirror With Paper (different color and shape)with Written “Love Quotes on it ..Like GOOD MORNING My.C_ _ _ _”

I Know It’s Sound Crazy (For Me To Do That) ..But I Just Want To Make Him Feel That He Is Special For Me And That I Am Serious ‘bout My feelings for Him..And That Dating Online And Dating In Real Life Could Me More Fun (hope Sincere)Possible The Same (At Least 99% ? Ehehehhe).

What I Felt About Him On Dating Online (Chat) Is Still The Same In Real Dating… I Mean What I Have Said And Im True To My Words.. (That  My Heart Need Him).

Make Him Feel That He’s Not Alone Through Letter On The Toilet Mirror Again :)

He’s Always On My Mind (Yeah Its True) Even Thou Im Busy :)

So I Made Him Feel That Im Still With Him Thou Im Far..

But All Of This?...You Know What Makes It Hurt Right Now?..To Live Faraway From Him..To Think That You Cannot Hold Him When You Want To..To Kiss Him When You Wish To :( And To Feel His Embrace When You L♥Ve  To…(That’s Really Ouch! Ouch!)…

Another Crazy Thing That I Made Is ….I Write A Goodbye Letter On The Toilet Mirror Again (Using My Red Lipstick) ehehhehe

Crazy naughty thing made by aira for a special guy named Mr.C