Maybe its L♥ve : November 2011

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Im still not ok

im still not Ok..But perhaps i still can wear that smile :)

I just miss him around :(

and i miss him soO much but dont think he feel the same way..

Sunday, November 27, 2011

shiny black snake with stripe brown black snake

last night I dreamed of 2 snakes.. shiny black snake and black brown snake again...(i dont know why its always happened)...they were crawling together and its coming on my way.. its like they want to tell me something but also they were hiding from someone (someone whom “I don’t know who”)they stopped in front of me and tells me something but I cant remember it now.. when i walked on rocky road (parang Selecta ice cream:) )they keep on following me.. that 2 person transform into snake and swim into the lake but that lake became swimming pool (confusing dream)and the brown snake became crocodile? (yeah it is)..and the black snake remained black..

When I try to follow that snake I saw my bf on the pool on the other part of that place.?..and on my dream I was in the forest with trees and water/lake.. I guess that snake trying to show me something (in my dream I have a bf ..haha in my dream I know him but when I walk up I cant remember his face anymore..I saw that guy/bf fucking other girl inside the pool and no one is around only me..I was watching them trying to make some noise to stop them but he didn’t notice that I was around and the guy cant hear my noise either but the girl can see me and hear me and she staring at me while my bf fucking her she even smiled.. (grrr)

The girl is soo inlove with my bf and that she keeps on staring at him and so my bf try to fuck her and the girl like’s it..the girl was wearing “red shirt”..After that they went into our room holding hands walking like lovers and I keep on following them but the guy still ddnt notice that im behind them. (behind them crying while watching them).. and when I follow them into our hotel room the girl wasn’t there..And then I start on screaming but my voice is out of tune (i cant hear my own voice) ..

..in my dream I have a baby with him and its “twin”

..im not a MYTH believer and I ignore every dream that I had have …but this time can I still IGNORe it?..it keeps on coming back again and again..I don’t know why there is always black snake in my dream..thou I sleep happy and calm I still dream of it…

Can somebody tells me the meaning of it?,..

this is what they looked like :(

Sunday, November 20, 2011

miss him always

Missing him around always:(

every sounds and everything i do reminds me of Mr.C :(

I dont know how long should i wait to have him back again :(

And i dont know what to do to see him again..

as he said he's not happy on chatting with me :(

I cant tell him that i miss him sooo :(

cuz whenever i dare too ....the words that came from him is always crossing on my mind

(he said: im not happy of chatting with you anymore) and that stopping me on writing him :(

I cant tell him that i miss him

That he is the soundtrack of my life :(

I miss you sooo

Friday, November 18, 2011

oh noo :(

huhu :'( soo sad and mad somebody deleted my history chat!! (ugh shit!!)

i only have 100 history left :( huhuh

Monday, November 14, 2011

Heaven Knows (no one can tell)

Heaven Knows

he's always on my mind
From the time I wake up
'Til I close my eyes
he's everywhere I go
he's all I know

Though he's so far away
It just keeps getting stronger every day
And even now he's gone
I'm still holding on

So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let him go

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find their way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

My friends keep telling me
That if you really love him
You've gotta set him free
And if he returns in kind
I'll know he's mine

So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let him go

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find their way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

Why I live in despair
'Cause wide awake or dreaming
I know he's never there
And all these time I act so brave
I'm shaking inside
Why does it hurt me so

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find their way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

Heaven knows

i miss you

smile of pain

atleast i can smile.. and still.. i can pretend that i am happy though the pain is soo obvious ;)

When you fall inlove? "pain" is expected (right?)

but thou you know it..you still dying cuz it is really painful ;)

specially wen you can sense him around (you know the felling of following by his shadow everywhere?)

Its like a paranoid thing right?(maybe i am a certified paranoid now ;) )

oohh yess i am (whos not?)

Im just a girl who's falling inlove and there's nothing wrong with that..(i guess?)

Saturday, November 12, 2011

missing piece

working!working! trying to keep myself busy so that i wont feel that pain atleast half of it..
keep the music loud and try to read some bible verse for tomorrow's teaching (at the church for the kids)
Try to occupy all my time but whenever i take a deep breath atleast every seconds?the pain keeps on coming back... (again and again..) i always feel it..i can feel it everywhere :(

Please save me from this pain :(
i need you :(

Friday, November 11, 2011

another wedding again? (ugh)

oh men! my girl friend called me and said she's getting married soon :) (sigh)

All of my friends were getting married and i think im gonna be single till im 60? (heheh)

SHe's so happy i can feel it.

Shes soo happy when she was telling me that "girl im getting married after 6 months ;)

I was happy for her..and you know it..

But suddenly i was stopped when she asked me "what about you?when are you gonna get married? "

(ouch!)

empty mind and weak heart

i feel soo WEAK right now :(

I dont know how and where to get energy to continue with my life

with out him around is lifeless

I can feel the pain through my vain

and im loosing my mind every seconds of the day

This pain is soooo criminal its killing me slowly :(

My tears make my pillow wet every-night cuz of this pain in me (tears from my eyes keeps on flowing)

I took energy drink today and last night just to get back to my work

but at the end of the day the pain is growing strong... specially when its 7:00pm cuz that's our dating hour :(

Every single minute of the day i think of Mr.C

How could he break my heart thinking that i JUST LOVED him!?

Im missing you right now..but i cant tell you.. cuz you dont want me around

YOu said im causing you stress and pressuring you :(

I never wish to be important to you but i want to be something for you

BUt for you IM NOTHING (and you said you have no time for nothing and thats what's hurt)

But despite all this I DO LOVE YOU still :*

kiss kiss and Hug

X.O.X.O

aira

cyril ko

Thursday, November 10, 2011

all i need is you (i love you)

FOR YOU Mr.C

Lose someone i need makes my heart melt with pain and tears :(

with that YES? everything was just...... broked! :(

With that YES my heart was again in the dark side of No where.

WE only need time and space to realize what we are to each other

but why breaking up with me?.Just because of stress?.and your accusing me of not happy in a relationship with you?

how would you know?youre not me..how would you know that im not happy with you?

AS youve said my promise is troubled me?and that you said im desire of chatting with other guys?.I never ever want to chat with other guys and i made that promise as part of my love for you..WHy cant you see that.!

Im contented that i have you why would i have to chat with other?.

Again cool off and break up is different!

But dont worry im not mad at all.. ;) im just hurt cuz of what you did and said last night.

I know you NEED time..and i maybe need some time too..

I love you and that feelings wont just go away you know why? cuz its real :(

I dont wanna let you go

I dont wanna lose you

and I cant let you go

But this is what you WANt (and i respect it)
and maybe it can make you feel Good

Hope YOU'll find yourself soon.

im gonna miss our chatting everyday

I'll just gonna stay here for you

I will wait till you feel fine

Till you feel that you miss me and need me

You know how to contact me

I will still kept my promise of not chatting with other

cuz im only yours

i love you :(

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

the good bye

Mr.C wants to stop our chatting for his sake.He ddnt even think about "what i might feel".

Monday, November 7, 2011

his name was on her shirt

i dream of a girl wearing white shirt and the name of Mr.C was printed on her white shirt..but the face of that girl in my dream was blur.. I was hurt again cuz of it..cuz this few week Mr.C is soo cold..I dont want to admit that im tired of believing him.. I miss him but he ddnt even notice it :(

Saturday, November 5, 2011

crazy aira

AiRa is getting crazy!crazy crazy!AiRa is getting crazy!crazy crazy!AiRa is getting crazy!crazy crazy!

Changes

Mr.C is always Busy..thats his always alibi ..he's online often but every after few minutes his gone again..for 90 days that's his always alibi.
There is no day that his not busy.
Or maybe he lost his appetite on talking to me online. I feel bad about it..
If he dont want me anymore he should have told me earlier and dont let me hanged..
i was hurting you know..I trusted him!

Its like his throwing me away by the way that his "always busy"
Until now im still honest to him and i dont want to chat with other guys cuz i promised to Mr.C that his the only one for me and i have to kept my promise coz i have my words.
By the way that his busy? (always offline) His hurting me more..and that pain causing me to go away from him :(
His ignoring me thou im hurting..His always out of side when i need him to be around.

Maybe its L♥ve

LovE is everywHere but yOu just dOnt know which one is YOURS ;)