I am pregnant

Its been a long time since i stopped writing my personal blog..And right now i dont know where to start cuz i got soo many things to say including my life now..But one thing for sure?.. "YES! I am pregnant" and the father? ofcourse no other than " Mr. Pretender".. the guy whom i met at C.B (Dating site).. He is a cancer survivor and all his doctors tell him that he cant have a baby..

And so I told him that Doctors are only human.But theres no impossible with God..If he really wants to have a baby? there's always a way..GOD is the way..He is miraculous and i so believe in him..And so whenever we go to the Church (old church in CEBU..the miraculous and historic church)  I always pray to God to give us a baby..I even fall in long long line just to get to the line through the end.. And yeah after 3 months he give us baby..And i cant believe it!! (swear to God) and so is he.. I mean no one would..But if you do believe in power of GOd and if you are sincere? he will listen..Just pray and mean it from the bottom of your heart.. ..
But we have a big fight lately.. and i guess i will gonna raise our baby alone...Just when u thought your relationship is complete and then suddenly this thing happened!

Thank you God..Hope someday Me and the father of my baby (Mr.Pretender) will be complete again,..
Hope wherever he is now..Hope he's always in Good hand..I Love him soo and i cant afford to know that he got hurt cuz of someone.. Oh God please save him and take him away from stupid girls and ambitious Girl..

Please make him feel that i love him soo and that i only want him to be happy wherever he is now..
Babe i love you  ('o") 

Faraway from my heart

God knows how i cry so hard just to ease the pain ..and i swear not to fall again.. :'( ... for the last time i fall inlove again but it cost me SOO MUCH pain ..pain that i could never ever imagine.. i cant face anyone anymore with a sweet smile.. this pain is soooo cruel.. and its drowning me.. I want to go FAR FAR away from every one! go some place that NO one knows me...cuz everywhere I Go i see your face :'( , every morning i hear your voice in my mind :'( ..i smell the coffee we use to take everyday :'( ..the place wer we hang out..our song :'( .. the stars in the skies, the full moon :'( , the movies that we always watch :'( and your favorite noodles..how i wish this PAIN TO GO AWAY... ( PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PAIN GOOOOOOOO AWAY) and how i wish to find a pain killer for this.. But although this is soo hurt i know that im gonna be okie again.. cuz i know I DID NOTHING WRONG...so HELP me GOD :'(

Goobye my lover

I love you but its over now..

HE love me but he love's her too (ugh)

Whenever i look around and think of what weve been through i cant help it but to cry :'(

I try to remember all the things that whe have had i just realized/noticed just now that its kinda perfect memories to treasure..

WHo would have thought that this guy would cross my way (on my way of searhing for someone to spend time with).

A guy who is soo crazy, and half is soo FUCKING SWEET,CHARMING and a crying baby :P (and a pooty ass..peace!)

Its all start in a big mistake but "CUPID's Arrow" hit me...I dont know why.. and of all girls why me?...Im confuse and dont know what to say..But i do believe that there is a reason why...Cuz all the things that happened here on living planet are God's plan. Maybe there is really a reason..

But why is it soo hurt..Its like im going to have a fever..I feel soo weak and that i cant stand straight nor think straight whenever i think about it..(and i cant breath)

I dont wannna give up on him but he's driving me away..

I love him but "she "  is around

I love you and im going crazy

You love me and you love her

Your with me all the time but you only pay attention on me when we eat our meal and a few time on caresing each other on bed cuddling and kicking each other's ass..

but base on my calculation ( lol ehehhe) for 100% ...

you spent 40 percent on your laptop ,

25% on ur cellphone

and25% on me..

10% on Tv.. 

oh men! did i got it right? (peace)

Father in heaven help me please..

In this pain your the only one who can save me and give me strenght to go on with this

Give me a sign..a sign that i might need...

Just give me one sign (atleast 1 one sign)

X.O.X.O

Luiese

valentines day for crazy people like me

My date didn't work well according to the planned..

I dont know why we always argue..Its just maybe cuz of his attitude he got mad easily and i hate it..

Im always pressured when his mad..But anyway we try to fix everything. Its  never to late to fix it right?.

 

but before that he wants me to leave him alone in our house..why cuz he wants arlene to be there..and to prove her that were not living together anymore :( grrrr!! i hope she die! that slut!)

anyway this is just a theory im just so mad and affected when he's soo mad..

(

In the end we  tried to fix it cuz valentines day is once a year..and soo everything is a bit fine ;)

it is actually fine..atleast we try and still a good valentines day..Maybe argueng on valentines day is part of it...Maybe GOD's will ;) 

I just noticed that he's cute when he's mad :) 

 

New home

I got home last night a bit early,thought i was gonna get home late as i dont get  a jeepny ride going to our new place..I heard that there is no jeep going on that Route ..And so i took Motorcycle..
When I got home i saw my men talking with new foreign friends ;) i was happy cuz atleast now he has a friend whom he can talk too :) while im at work..Its good cuz he wont feel boring anymore cuz of it ;)

They drink Beer!! (yeah beers!! 1000mLx4 weeww) thats to much men!  but anyway its fine..Atleast his happy..whats funny is that he's snore while sleeping ..ahahha (lol)

and when we woke up we went to the public market..i asked him not to go with me cuz he might feel tired..but he still want to go with me...(whatever!)..public market is stinky and crowded..i dont think he would like it there..He's head ache(hang over) will get worst..but then i bought him medicine to make sure.

When were at the market expectation is there lol (hhahahah)
but then we made it and out budget for 1 week is 1000.00 and we have to save and minimize all out expense as he dont get paid until the end of the month :)

We came home early cuz the rain is coming..i feel happy that we go to the market together..buying all the thing that we need..And i made him some Chicken Tinola (chicken soup) before i go to my work ;)

Oh men another beautiful day for us :)
and tomorrow were going to clean our new home :)

X.O.X.O
love you baby bruce ko

She called early in the morning

She called him while were sleeping..And he cancel it,. not because he doesnt want to talk but because i was around and lying next to him..And the girl keep on calling and so i asked him to Turn his phone off!. (and he did i what i told him).But then when were done on break fast I asked him

Aira : why is that girl is calling you again.(im in pain while asking him)?


Bruce say: she wants me and she wants to come here.


Aira say: She cant come here just like that...i thought she new that were together?from the beginning she knows..in short she has no right to "wants you nor need you..most of all she has no right to get jealous of me!!
 
How selfish of her to flirt on bruce to think Bruce is already taken..Cheap slut muther fucker whore FREAK!!

and bruce came out side to call her back and talk to her...and he doesnt want me to hear their talking...maybe she told her/me lots of lie..

well anyway im not gonna give him up for that kinda girl..never!
AS long as bruce wants me then ill never give him up!!
Over my dead body ( yaaeekz!) 

he did it again

I caught him again talking to that slut named arlene..I was soo insulted and was hurt cuz he kept on doin thesame thing..I cried many times and yet there he goes again..I always give my best and give him comfort and loving but all he gave me is tears,,I give up many things but he never grant the things that i want from him ( its only 1 thing)
He even told me that he like arlene..and that I wouldnt like what he will do if i will hurt arlen!! (i mean what is that all about?)
he kept on telling me that he love he but always in words but no action....
And so i decided to pack my bag and leave him and then he stopped me (he blocked the door)..I made up my mind already..besides that what he want to hear from me.He said hes tired of aguing with me..Duh?..he always starting it..not me..
I always make an adjustment thou i ddnt do anything..I aways got hurt thou its not my fault..He yell at me thou  its not my fault..IS that i can get on taking care of him too much? abusing my kindnesS?

Im tired of taking all his "fucking words" its cost me to much stress and i dont like it anymore..

I caught in the act

I went home last night (early than expected),,and tthen i caught him..i was hurt but im trying to control it,,He turn his phone into "loud speaker" and so i heard that girls voice again...


When i got there i called him and ask him "who is it babe"?
and the girl is not yet done on talking but he said to that girl "i gorra go!i gorra go!
and the girl keeps on talking...and soo i came closer to see who he talking to cuz he wont tell me..and wn i camme closer he shut off his phone..

I was thinking that the girl hear my voice too..(hope she did..cuz that man is mine ehhehe)
and wen i asked him again? he answered me "its arlene (confirmed)
He  try to dial again for 3 times and no one is answering...
and then i ask again..who u calling again?are u gonna talk to her in front of me? (its soo disrespect)
And soo he said he has to call her "muther fucker sister?..

and then after he called someone he just Got soooo mad..and throwing everything and broke his phone till theres no more left..

im confuse did he really got mad cuz of her sister?or cuz of i caught him talking to that girl again?and also the girl heard my voice on the  phone...well as far as i can remember i talked soo loud and i am soo sure that she hear me..i even called him "baby"..

SHE KISSED MY MAN?!

he told me that he ddnt meet her..but then i saw their pics and the girl kissed her!! (i want to kill her)

he still wants to see her

Today is his flight going back to our country..Ive been longing to see him again..But on his first day of his flight that girl named  "HJ" is the girl whom he wants to see first.. :(

Its soo unfair right? telling you that ..he only want you and there's no other girl but you..and yet there he goes again..looking for the girl who never wish to see him nor once.,

He never learned his lesson....nontheless if he told me the wrong stories nor lie again (again and again)...

i cant compete with a girl whom he loved first (i know)but past is past..why dont we all move on..

Its unfair to let someone believe in you and yet you keep on fooling around ..

GUys? would u want us girls to DO THE SAME?

Im not yet tired but someday maybe i will...

"sigh"

He want to revenge

its hard to pretend that im OK and that im alright thou im not.! its damn hard to say im "OK DONT WORRY" thou im dying inside.. :'(
Its hard to give way thou you know you cant give him away just like that :'( ..Its hard to let him with her thou you know you have starting on liking and LOVE him! :'( :'( Is this the right thing TO DO?..can someone tell me how not to feel confuse?.

ITs all hard to DO cuz its FUCKING NOT okie.!!
Thou i have to trust him...the pain is still INVOLVE
and that pain causing to much (its like a thousand PINCH) pain in me and in my heart :'(

You're not mine

I know your not mine..But i hope that will not cost any pain!

You're not mine and I know it

 But that night I couldn't hold it in

Because I feel just right When you're standing next to me

I've got these perfect pictures in my head of possibility It was the words you whispered then

They led me to believe You led me to believe

.....♥.....

♥

I shouldn't let you confuse me

I know from the very beginning "its all about her" (HJ)

We started as friends and i should have keep it like way

Now its to late for me to regret cuz iM In it now

Its hurting me whenever i think of how crazy you are (over her)

How you want her bad in your life

You keep on telling me that you chose me against her but thats not true

youre just using me to forget her

im just a second option..

Im afraid that someday (hope not soon)she will be back

and take you AWAY from me

on that day i might broke again (my heart will break)

Im starting on liking you more than i thought

I dont want this feeling cuz i know "HJ" will always be there in your heart

BUt you keep on fulling me with your beautiful words and I cant let go

Im tired of arguing but i cant help it..cuz you always doing something for her

Its like you want her BAD ...and what/where is my place in your life if she came back?

Its hard to let go

But if you guys love each other that much

then i would let go and set you FREE

cuz it would be soo selfish to continue it

I might get hurt seriously but pain is normal

I will just gonna cry till my heart aches end (char!)

...♥ irah_luiese ♥... 

 

I cant understand this anymore

I dont know what's God plan for me..but i know that im really hurting right now.
I cant accept any more pain..

I was thinking that..what if i die today?or maybe tomorrow? what would it be the meaning of my life?

Mr.Pretender

And soo when he arrived here I tour him around and show him the City.

I also helped him to find that girl.But Seemed like the girl is hiding..Cuz his brother don’t want to tell anything about her.Her family keeps on hiding her (covering her with stories).I work hard and did everything to help him to see his gf (I can see and in his eyes the desire of seeing that girl). Tsssk tssk tssk!.

Wen I send him to his hotel .. He let me in and I didn’t refuse it ;) I look around in his room.. and you know what i saw?... his laptop is apple, his cellphone is apple and perfume is chanel (fucking SHIT!!! I thought he is Poor! )

And soo I pretend that I don’t know anything..i ddnt ask him about that! (ugh)

After a few days He went out and meet a new girl ..i mean he cant live like that anymore..looking for a girl who don’t want to come out! And soo if he will go out and meet someone then it would help him feel better…and that’s what he did..

while im working he txted me to say “HI and Good morning”..and after a few hours I was shocked! (oh shit!)

..He’s asking me if I want to be his Personal assistant.! (oh men what is this all about?)

AN then I ask him..why asking me that kind of question men?..you’re confusing me…

I ask him why me?..( as in WHY ME?)..why? why? Why? 

 He hired me as his Tour Guide (cool.!! While im working as computer attendant I also work as his Private tutor, tour Guide,Avisor Nanny and nurse ahahahaha he paid me 20,000 after 10 days )..

Few nights after… he ask me out for a Dinner..He said he want to go to some nice restaurant and soo I take him to “Jack Rigde “ ..(damn!) He order Expensive one (“ugh”) and he gave 500 box for tip!.damn!

I ask him/CONFRONT him! Are you really poor? Or your just pretending?

I got this funny feelings that he’s just pretending the whole time!!! And you know what he DID? He laughed at me!! (grrrrr) He said Im not Rich But Im not Poor for sure!..

He want me to be his assistant cuz the have seen the sincerity in my eyes?? (duh?)

in my effort? (hmmp?)

My loyalty? (oh yeah)

I don’t fool around? ( am i?)

He said I never try to take advantage on him? ( hhmmmmmmmppppp)

He tried  me many times..(he said that)

Anyway I told him not to trust me…cuz he just met me a couple of days  :P

(im a monster)

Not alone this Christmas

Hmm.. I got a new story.. I meet a guy whos asking for help ( I don’t know of all people he chose me)

He said because of my Profile :P that’s why he chose me..

And here it goes….lalalalalalalalaa…..alala… He said he will visit the Philippines to meet his long chat mate/gf (morethan 6 months?is that long?).But the guy have had a problem cuz he sense that the girl seemed like don’t want to meet him in person..

When they’ve been chatting the girl is sooo sweet..Sooo nice…They’ve been talking almost every day (8 hours a day) ..calling each other everyday and night..And they were planning on their marriage. The guy keeps on sending the girl bunch of money twice a month. He even gave her a Diamond ring.bought her laptop.He also sent her money  for the Down Payment for their Condo (their future home)..

As days goes by the guy felt crazy inlove with her and cant wait to see/meet her in person..so he decided to visit the Philipines..but when he got the Plane Ticket and tell to his GF that his coming (*sigh*)

Suddenly after that day the girl became cold and she always has an alibi …(like shes going to other country and work their etc…blalalala).. (poor guy)

And so the guy ask help from me to find him some cheap hotel (safe,clean and as possible center of the city)

He said he cant pay expensive hotel..hes not rich he’s just an ordinary guy who has no house..He said he grow up inside a House made of CAR? (hmmm?really)

And so I felt bad about that soo I helped him..i find him some nice,clean ,safe and cheap hotel and yet near to everything 

I gave him all the details, the contact info.

I also call the front desk of that hotel and tell them everything

And the guy called them too

I actually Helped him on one condition :)  I want him to be my date on Christmas Day (No one wants to be alone right?) 

ahahaha ..crazy idea!!!

I feel soo alone after my "X" ignore me for how many WEEKS,days and times....

I dont want my christmas to me Cold ...cold like ICE" (arrrrr)..

soo for a change why not "GO OUT AND HAVE SOME FUN"

Im tired of lonely Christmas :) (spending it always alone :(    )

soo sooo and soo thats it! aha!

2012 count down

Oh well.. atleast i have had a happy Christmas Eve and Happy New year
and birth day spending with my new friend ;)
Whats important is that im not alone on that special holidays

Thanks to you ;)