Im still not ok

im still not Ok..But perhaps i still can wear that smile :)

I just miss him around :(

and i miss him soO much but dont think he feel the same way..

shiny black snake with stripe brown black snake

last night I dreamed of 2 snakes.. shiny black snake and black brown snake again...(i dont know why its always happened)...they were crawling together and its coming on my way.. its like they want to tell me something but also they were hiding from someone (someone whom “I don’t know who”)they stopped in front of me and tells me something but I cant remember it now.. when i walked on rocky road (parang Selecta ice cream:) )they keep on following me.. that 2 person transform into snake and swim into the lake but that lake became swimming pool (confusing dream)and the brown snake became crocodile? (yeah it is)..and the black snake remained black..

When I try to follow that snake I saw my bf on the pool on the other  part of that place.?..and on my dream I was in the forest with trees and water/lake.. I guess that snake trying to show me something (in my dream I have a bf ..haha in my dream I know him but when I walk up I cant remember his face anymore..I saw that guy/bf  fucking other girl inside the pool and no one is around only me..I was watching them trying to make some noise to stop them but he didn’t notice that I was around and the guy cant hear my noise  either but the girl can see me and hear me and she staring at me while my bf fucking her she even smiled.. (grrr)

The girl is soo inlove with my bf and that she keeps on staring at him and so my bf try to fuck her and the girl like’s it..the girl was wearing “red shirt”..After that they went into our room holding hands walking like lovers and I keep on following them but the guy still ddnt notice that im behind them. (behind them crying while watching them).. and when I follow them into our hotel room the girl wasn’t there..And then I start on screaming but my voice is out of tune (i cant hear my own voice) ..

 ..in my dream I have a baby with him and its “twin”

..im not a MYTH believer and I ignore every dream that I had have …but this time can I still IGNORe it?..it keeps on coming back again and again..I don’t  know why there is always black snake in my dream..thou I sleep happy and calm I still dream of it…

Can somebody tells me the meaning of it?,..

 
this is what they looked like :(

miss him always

Missing him around always:(

every sounds and everything i do reminds me of Mr.C :(

I dont know how long should i wait to have him back again :(

And i dont know what to do to see him again..

as he said he's not happy on chatting with me :(

I cant tell him that i miss him sooo :(

cuz whenever i dare too ....the words that came from him is always crossing on my mind

(he said:  im not happy of chatting with you anymore) and that stopping me on writing him :(

I cant tell him that i miss him

That he is the soundtrack of my life :(

I miss you sooo

oh noo :(

huhu :'( soo sad and mad somebody deleted my history chat!! (ugh shit!!)

i only have 100 history left :( huhuh

Heaven Knows (no one can tell)

Heaven Knows 

he's always on my mind
From the time I wake up
'Til I close my eyes
he's everywhere I go
he's all I know

Though he's so far away
It just keeps getting stronger every day
And even now he's gone
I'm still holding on

So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let him go

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find their way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

My friends keep telling me
That if you really love him
You've gotta set him free
And if he returns in kind
I'll know he's mine

So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let him go

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find their way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

Why I live in despair
'Cause wide awake or dreaming
I know he's never there
And all these time I act so brave
I'm shaking inside
Why does it hurt me so

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find their way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

Heaven knows


i miss you

smile of pain

atleast i can smile.. and still.. i can pretend that i am happy though the pain is soo obvious ;)

When you fall inlove? "pain" is expected (right?)

but thou you know it..you still dying cuz it is really painful ;)

specially wen you can sense him around (you know the felling of following by his shadow everywhere?)

Its like a paranoid thing right?(maybe i am a certified paranoid now ;) ) 

oohh yess i am (whos not?)

Im just a girl who's falling inlove and there's nothing wrong with that..(i guess?) 

missing piece

working!working! trying to keep myself busy so that i wont feel that pain atleast half of  it..
keep the music loud and try to read some bible verse for tomorrow's teaching (at the church for the kids)
Try to occupy all my time but whenever i take a deep breath atleast every seconds?the pain  keeps on coming back... (again and again..) i always feel it..i can feel it everywhere :(

Please save me from this pain :(
i need you :(